Sexual Shame

To feel shame around sex and our sexuality is a common experience. However, as a society, we tend to avoid the topics of both sex and shame. Even more so when these experiences are combined. This can make us feel like we are the only ones who worry about sex.

Sexual shame can make us focus on performance, making sure we do everything right so we can avoid any sense of sexual failure. When we do this, we lose any connection to our own pleasure as our efforts are concentrated on the person we are having sex with. Sexual shame can also make us want to avoid sex altogether, as this is preferable to the potential of feeling shame if we don’t stack up.

It is not uncommon for people who feel sexual shame to prefer to watch porn and masturbate, rather than having partnered sex. This doesn’t mean that you are addicted to sex or are not interested in your sexual partner. It is simply that, in the moment, you are not at risk of feeling shame as there is no one to disappoint and fail. Porn and masturbation is a safer way to be sexually expressive.

Shame can feel so intolerable that we will do much to avoid the feeling, whether avoiding, suppressing, or over-compensating sexually. However, as a shame researcher, I believe we do not have to carry on living with sexual shame.

With empathy and compassion, my aim is to help those who are living with shame become their fully authentic sexual selves.

Therapy cost: £65

Other therapies

Compulsive sex & porn use

Compulsive sex & porn use

Compulsive sexual behaviours are probably not what you think they are. They are not about having a high sex drive, neither are they a moral failing. They are often not about being stuck in an unhappy relationship. If sex and porn is being used compulsively, it is likely a mechanism to help deal with difficult or uncomfortable feelings

Loss of Sexual Interest

Loss of Sexual Interest

Loss of sexual interest is one of the most common reasons why people seek out sex therapy and despite what we have been led to believe, loss of sexual motivation can affect men just as much as women. A mismatch in a couple’s desire for sex can have a devastating effect on the relationship.

Erectile dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is one of the most common sexual problems experienced by men of all ages. We only need to look at how popular Viagra and other ED drugs are to know the scale of the problem.

Vulval pain conditions

Vulval pain conditions

Vulval pain conditions, such as vaginismus or vulvodynia are conditions that make penetrative sex very painful or impossible, even if you are aroused and happy to have sex. These conditions can be very distressing for both you and your partner.

Premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation

Premature ejaculation isn’t necessarily about a man ejaculating too quickly. A better description would be that he comes before he is ready to. This can mean that he has no sense of control over when he ejaculates. This can sometimes lead to frustration for both him and his partner.

Other sexual problems

Other sexual problems

If you are experiencing sexual problems that are not listed on this site, such as difficulty with orgasm or delayed ejaculation, struggling to figure out what your sexual orientation is or maybe fetish, lack of sexual confidence or anything else, please get in touch to see how we can help you.